ugh. it just pisses me off. knowing that i can not be at the place i want to be the most at the moment. i hate being stuck here in this place, living here just rotting away. my bitter resentment just seems to grow as the hours pass by. the fact that i am already ditched, already alone. my best friends gone... all overseas and away. nothing can seem to distract me long from this annoying sadness. even before they left physically, i've already began to shrink away from them. things changed too fast. i seem to naturally step back and raise my defenses, cuz i don't want to hurt anymore. i am tired from having to realize and acknowledge the fact that things are not the same anymore. and now i've become more bitter as to realize that where i want to go the most, is the place i will not be able to reach at all. i'm incredibly jealous and this resentment does seem to grow.
i disgust me. ugh.
frig.